7 Tricks for Lasting Longer in Bed - A Crash Course in Sexual Stamina
My extensive experiences with tantric yoga, ancient sexuality practices, and contemporary western therapeutic paradigms have exposed me to many 'tricks-of-the-trade' when it comes to coming.
In this article I'll attempt to distill some of this simple but powerful wisdom. Hopefully men seeking to improve their sexual stamina, or even just to educate themselves sexually, can begin to use this as a roadmap for their quest. And a very worthy quest it is too, (speaking as a woman).
If there is one thing I cannot resist it is a man who is dedicated to learning more about his body and sexuality in general.
I know I speak for a lot of other women when I say that the most important quality in a lover is a commitment to improving the quality of his, and his partner's, sexual experiences.
THE TRICKS TO LASTING LONGER
1. Relax and increase your body awareness
There are very many techniques out there to help you relax and be more able to 'feel' your body. As a yoga practitioner I have experience with very many powerful relaxation, meditation and breathing techniques.
Perhaps the simplest one is just paying attention to your breathing during sex. Not controlling it, just noticing it.
Masters and Johnson also developed a technique known as "sensate focus exercises" which I use extensively in my practice as sexual surrogate therapist and sex 'coach'.
2. Focus on pleasure in sex, rather than sexual performance.
Let go of any expectations about the outcome of sex. Going into a sexual experience with a 'plan' robs you of any ability to be open minded.
You cannot learn from sex if you are focused on how it should look.
Instead, notice the pleasure as it is happening. The pleasure will show you what is good. It is the ultimate teacher when it comes to sex.
3. Increase awareness of your sexual arousal.
Again, open your awareness to your feelings of pleasure and pay close attention to your arousal levels. Awareness is the first step to understanding; which is itself a step towards mastery.
Focus on your pleasure during sex, during masturbation, or even the subtle pleasure you experience when a gorgeous woman gets on the bus.
4. Extend your sexual arousal to higher levels.
There are many techniques you can learn to extend your pleasure. As you become more aware of your sexual arousal a natural increase in your arousal level is inevitable.
This will happen because you will become familiar and comfortable with your pleasure, and your body will propel you to greater heights naturally.
Be sure to practice sex and pleasure often, so your body can keep teaching you.
5. Master your sexual arousal consistently at higher levels.
As your sexual pleasure naturally increases with more practice, you will begin to 'play' with it.
Manipulate your breathing patterns, sexual energy field and subtle internal sensations, to the point that you can begin to feel mastery over them.
Again, ancient wisdom, sex manuals and other people's experiences are full of eye opening possibilities.
6. become accustomed to a steady level of intense arousal.
Get into the habit of building your sexual pleasure and indulging in it fully. Let the moments you feel pleasure expand.
Let the arousal continue as if it didn't need to end ever. It will of course, but you don't care when ... just let it happen.
7. Stop thinking
Drop your conscious mind out of the picture. Investigate or experiment with techniques to get your internal dialogue to shut up.
Experience all of this intense and joyous pleasure, not in your head, not by thinking about it ... but in your body. Feel it!
THE KEY is connecting more deeply to your own sensations and feelings.
Here's a bonus tricky tip for you. It's also the most important one.
8. Remember your own commitment to learn and grow.. . it all comes back to you.
By the way, if some of these tricks seem to be a bit of a tease it's because they are. Each one could be the subject of several very in depth articles or sexuality workshops.
I want you to take the time to ponder these tricks and look further. I wish you well on your adventures and I wish you very much pleasure.
Copyright 2005 Mukee Okan
Mukee Okan is a world renowned sexual therapist and spiritual guide. She is based in phoenix and keeps herself busy running workshops and sessions in Europe, north America, Asia, Australia and New Zealand. Visit http://www.erectilejaculation.com to download free audio files or purchase her e-book on overcoming premature ejaculation.
Exercise Routines For Yoga Ball
Easy Steps to Work-Life Balance
Knowing when to disconnect, shut it off, unplug, or walk away from work is one of the essential keys to work/life balance for harried and overworked people.
When was the last time you completely left work behind? How frequently do you take work home, check e-mail or voice mail from home, or take your work with you on vacation? Do you feel you cant afford to not do these things? Whats the real impact on your personal sense of balance when you are consistently making work your top priority?
The work many of us do is extremely demanding of both our time and energy. In many cases, you may allow the intrusion and justify the cost on a personal level for real or anticipated gains on the career level. But way too often, were sacrificing family time, exercise, or much-needed personal time without making conscious choices about the implications and trade-offs.
Many of us feel stressed and overworked because we are overconnected. As a result of the onslaught of information, along with the never-ending ways that people can access us anytime of the day or night, we feel perpetually connected to our work. Think about the number of technology resources you now use that were not commonplace just a few years ago. Cell phones, pagers, e-mail, instant messaging, online chats, voice mail, call forwarding, wireless Internet pagers. the list just keeps growing. How much is enough of these technology tools and the obsessive connection to our work?! And how do we begin to reestablish those important boundaries between our work and our personal lives?
In our book, "Dot Calm: The search for Sanity in a Wired world," we provide a wealth of how to tips for managing the work-life challenge:
The first step: JUST SAY NO!and draw clear boundaries. this takes on multiple forms:
- Turn off your cell phone when you shouldnt be interrupted.
- Dont take a cell phone to an appointment or when you are focusing on someone else.
- Dont give out your cell phone number. Use it only for outgoing calls.
- Screen calls using caller ID.
- Block out time when you will not be interrupted.
- Hold certain times sacred. If you make a commitment for a social or family event, honor that commitment without interruptions.
- Use the delete option early and often.
- Arrange for calls from the office only in cases of emergency.
- Maintain your commitment to work-free vacations.
- Make sure you are clear about what you value and what is important to you.
- Let voice mail or the answering machine take your calls.
- On your voice mail greeting, be clear about when you will and will not be available. Update that message regularly.
- Exercise to burn off stressand dont talk on your cell phone or into your dictation machine while exercising!
Obviously, some intrusions of work into personal life are unavoidable, depending upon the nature of your work. If you manage a nuclear power plant, are a member of an organ transplant team, or have on-call responsibilities as part of your job, then some intrusions go with the territory. However, more often than not, we let work seep into our personal lives even when theres not a bonafide emergency or time-urgent crisis. Weve become so accustomed to the ever-presence of our work that weve unconsciously allowed further intrusions that have, in many cases, become unreasonable.
Our research involved hundreds of interviews and surveys to learn how busy people are achieving balance and integrating overwork solutions into the lives. There are five key solutions that are working for these people, some of whom work long hours, receive over 300 e-mail each day, travel extensively, and have families they treasure. Here are a few specific steps you can take for each of these solutions:
1. PRIORITIZE AND ORGANIZE
- Know what you need to accomplish and focus on that.
- Maintain a firm commitment to being organized and used systems that support that.
- Ignore those e-mails and voice mails that are not really important.
2. TAKE DAILY TIME-OUTS
- Take a nap, a walk, or a mini-meditation break with a few minutes of silence.
- Maintain daily rituals, such as teatime, meditation, prayer, exercise.
- Leave the officeand leave your work there.
3. TAKE MINI SABBATICALS.
4. NURTURE THE SOUL AND MIND.
- Read a good book (unrelated to your work).
- Participate in community service activity with your family.
- Go to a movie, the theater, the opera, or the museum.
5. NOURISH THE BODY.
- Exercise regularly.
- Eat and sleep well.
- Get a massage.
About The Author
Debra A. Dinnocenzo is a dynamic speaker, author, and trainer with expertise in telework, virtual teams, and work-life balance. She is president of ALLearnatives, a learning and development firm that designs and implements telework, sales performance, virtual teams, and work-life balance programs. She is the author of 101 Tips for Telecommuters and co-author of Dot Calm: The search for Sanity in a Wired world, which offers solutions for achieving work-life balance. ALLearnatives offers workshops, seminars, and the free e-newsletter, WorkWisely. Visit www.allearnatives.com to subscribe to WorkWisely, schedule a presentation, or obtain additional resources.
this article may be reproduced providing it is published in its entirety, including the author bio and all links. For additional information or to request additional content for articles, contact Debra Dinnocenzo, ddinnocenzo@allearnatives.com
Society Yoga Teacher Center
